boiling, like the water in the pot

why is it so freaking hard to communicate sometimes

they don't hear you when you are speaking calmly
they are deaf when you are screaming
they don't understand when you are being sarcastic
they only listen to themselves
serve themselves
and place themselves on a pedestal.

Verizon. I hate you.

Glub Glub Glub

The feeling of inadequacy is not foreign to me.
In fact I feel it a lot.
And so when I am feeling such despair
I turn inwards and scold myself
saying words and phrases like
Come on Laura. Other people have it worse.
Catch the damn ball. Throw it and make a play.
Only Lacrosse is more complicated than it seems.
And with me so complicated and the sport
so complicated
it only makes the situation more messy.
And so.
I try to find some dignity, some bravery,
a tough skin and other frame of mind
when I don't have to feel
the shame of dropping the ball
and also scrambling for words
that don't seem to leap from my tongue
like they do for other people.
Only when I write
do I feel that I actually have some control
over what I am expressing.
Even music is hard
which is ironic, because
it is a form of self-expression.
Maybe these feelings
are a result of the change in the weather
and the level of tree pollen in the atmosphere
maybe it's me being teenage
but I still am feeling this way.
And when I turn inwards
towards myself
I say. Come on Laura. Make a play.

Update

Tuesday update:

Found Freddy, he was safe in the confines of my wool coat pocket, how silly of me. There was never anything to worry about.

NHS induction tomorrow, I feel like "induction" is a silly word. It's odd, it sounds like duct tape.. you can see where I am going with this.

I am woefully behind in my World History readings, which is typical because I've been so tired lately that I've fallen asleep at my desk.

I really am fond of my desk, it's large, wood, tall, and fits all of my stuff. I am fond of stacking things.

There is my desk!

There are very many things to do that is left on my to-do list.
1. Reading world history (all of it)
2. Murder in the Cathedral
3. Whatever assigned in Shindel's
4. Spanish Gerunds
5. Sell ads. for Chips
6. Write those coverletters!
7. Get a job/internship this summer!
8. Sleep.

Ipods

So today marks day one of my lost ipod.

Today I lost my ipod, or temporarily misplaced it. It was beautiful, orange, chromatic, full of life, and cheerful. I think it represented me in a lot of ways. Now it's gone. In a moment of complete confusion I've lost sight of it.

I noticed it was missing around lunch, 11:39ish to be exact. It must have been missing beforehand. Is it at home? No. Is it in my backpack? No. Is it in Anna's car? God, I hope so. Perhaps it's in my coat pockets, I really hope so.

Because what can I do without it? There's no music. No portable music that I love that is. My Ipod mini still works, but dies about every 30 minutes, and you can't listen through the entire Like the Linen CD in that amount of time. It's just not do-able.

I like to think this as a challenge and a reminder that I have to be more careful and appreciative of my things. I also think that Apple is testing my loyalty to them. This is a sneaky and mean way to do it. I've already shown to be a loyal customer, can't they just return my ipod to me?

And in case someone took my ipod, please return it. It's an orange chromatic and it was a holiday gift, it's irreplacable in the sense that I've already named it, it's name is Freddy.

Freddy and his multiple views

Thanks.

Running on what? IT'S EMPTY?

So I haven't posted in a little while.

I am still catching my breath from lacrosse earlier today. I have so far accomplished in watching an episode of 30 Rock and doing my spanish homework. There's still a lot to do.

Anna and I have been working on our Galileo project for about ten thousand years by now. It's been really crazy and I guess this counts as a reflection. It's been a long road and lots of software mistakes and screw ups and such. It's pretty beast. I will post it up here once we finalize it, let's just say it has some amazing music, all relevant to the time periods featured in the doc. We do start with Baba O'Riley... but who doesn't love a little Who anyhow? (tee hee)

We have been watching When the Levees broke by Spike Lee. It's so.. dark, and the whole situation, the way it was handled... the government was so incompetent, and so the levees so corrupt and the way everything was.. it made me so angry. The level of complete disinterest the government showed the Hurricane Katrina victims is astounding, their reactions were so out of touch. It really made me re-evaluate our society and the way media portrays situations.

On a lighter note. Bonnaroo. I want to go. I hope it happens.

I really should do my homework. right now. post more later!

Run, Run, Breathe, Run some more

Ah. So Lacrosse season has started. Or Spring Sports season for all you other athletes out there. It's been approximately 4 months since the end of field hockey, and oh how out of shape I am. Surprisingly, I have not collapsed, so hey! a good thing!

My schedule is so hectic, and classes are interesting! We just interviewed Mrs. Diodati the other day, and what an interesting person! I just listened to this presentation about American Chinese Food by Jennifer 8. Lee from the NY Times, and it was very enlightening! Notice that American comes before Chinese, yeah, because it's more American than anything else. But, it's still pretty yummy, so check out Fu Lin Restaurant! (2235 Bel Pre Rd Silver Spring MD) yeah, I know that I just advertised, but it's so delish! 

Oh. Here is the link for the presentation. She is so funny. 

So here is something completely unrelated...Friends Lists, I don't mean facebook, I mean the long, long list I have of people that I want to be friends with. You know that urge to talk to people that you like? When you have a crush on them? This is the same feeling, but I just really want to be their best friends! It's actually worse for me because when I want to friend someone, I often talk to them as much as I can so that we can bond! This action is often misconstrued as me crushing on that person. That is a no-no. 

I have spending a lot of time with Kiera Zitelman, I feel like I am starting to talk like her, which is completely fine because she's rad. But it's weird that I pick up speech habits, or just habits. I picked up Andrew Joseph's habit of holding my shirt with my hands. This action is sometimes me being nervous, me having no idea what to do with my hands, or me just bored so I hold my shirt in my hands. (what? yeah I know. weird.)

So...I really want to write in a certain way, because write now I am typing whatever that pops into my head onto the blank expanse of internet space. I want to write with some sort of purpose. I am not sure when that will be happening, but it's gotta be soon because I have a synthesis essay in English soon and I frankly stink at writing timed essays. 

Diverging thought!

The 90s should not come back, I heard something about how 90s fashion is coming back. That was a dark time in fashion, if that happens... oh dear. That weird fabric-substance that winter coats were often fashioned out of, polyester? nylon blend? with awful patterns of neon colored stripes and shapes? That's just bad. 

These are my thoughts for the last couple of days. Will add more later.